How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term | Dr. David Buss
Huberman Lab
In this episode, my guest is Dr. David Buss, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology.
Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship, and mate value assessment — meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences for infidelity in men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans. And we discuss what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad” — features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships.
This episode is sure to be of interest to anyone single or in a relationship who seeks to know how people select mates and anyone who is interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships.
Read the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com.
Thank you to our sponsors
AG1: athleticgreens.com/huberman
LMNT: drinklmnt.com/hubermanlab
Waking Up: wakingup.com/huberman
Momentous: livemomentous.com/huberman
00:00:00 Introducing Dr. David Buss
00:04:27 Sponsors: AG1, LMNT & Waking Up
00:08:33 Choosing a Mate
00:13:40 Long Term Mates: Universal Desires
00:18:31 What Women & Men Seek in Long-Term Mates
00:25:10 Age Differences & Mating History
00:32:20 Deception in Courtship
00:37:30 Emotional Stability
00:38:40 Lying About Long-Term Interest
00:41:56 Short-Term Mating Criteria, Sliding Standards & Context Effects
00:46:25 Sexual Infidelity: Variety Seeking & (Un)happiness & Mate Switching
00:54:25 Genetic Cuckolds, How Ovulation Impacts Mate Preference
00:57:00 Long-Term vs. Short-Term Cheating, Concealment
00:59:15 Emotional & Financial Infidelity
01:04:35 Contraception
01:06:22 Status & Mating Success
01:10:10 Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancies, Vigilance, Violence
01:24:13 Specificity of Intimate Partner Violence
01:25:12 Mate Retention Tactics: Denigration, Guilt, Etc.
01:27:33 Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy
01:33:25 Stalking
01:39:15 Influence of Children on Mate Value Assessments
01:43:24 Attachment Styles, Mate Choice & Infidelity
01:46:40 Non-Monogamy, Unconventional Relationships
01:54:00 Mate Value Self Evaluation, Anxiety About the Truth
02:02:12 Self Deception
02:05:35 The Future of Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience
02:06:56 Books: When Men Behave Badly, The Evolution of Desire, Textbooks
02:10:42 Concluding Statements, Zero-Cost Support: Subscribe, Sponsors, Supplements
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Raw Description
<p>In this episode, my guest is <a href="https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/david-buss/">Dr. David Buss, Ph.D.</a>, Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology.</p><p>Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship, and mate value assessment — meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences for infidelity in men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans. And we discuss what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad” — features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships.</p><p>This episode is sure to be of interest to anyone single or in a relationship who seeks to know how people select mates and anyone who is interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships. </p><p>Read the full show notes for this episode at <a href="https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/dr-david-buss-how-humans-select-and-keep-romantic-partners-in-short-and-long-term">hubermanlab.com</a>.</p><h2>Thank you to our sponsors</h2><p>AG1: <a href="https://athleticgreens.com/huberman">https://athleticgreens.com/huberman</a></p><p>LMNT: <a href="https://go.hubermanlab.com/lmnt-back-catalog">https://drinklmnt.com/hubermanlab</a></p><p>Waking Up: <a href="https://wakingup.com/huberman">https://wakingup.com/huberman</a></p><p>Momentous: <a href="https://livemomentous.com/huberman">https://livemomentous.com/huberman</a></p><h2>Timestamps</h2><p>00:00:00 Introducing Dr. David Buss </p><p>00:04:27 Sponsors: AG1, LMNT & Waking Up</p><p>00:08:33 Choosing a Mate </p><p>00:13:40 Long Term Mates: Universal Desires </p><p>00:18:31 What Women & Men Seek in Long-Term Mates </p><p>00:25:10 Age Differences & Mating History </p><p>00:32:20 Deception in Courtship </p><p>00:37:30 Emotional Stability </p><p>00:38:40 Lying About Long-Term Interest </p><p>00:41:56 Short-Term Mating Criteria, Sliding Standards & Context Effects </p><p>00:46:25 Sexual Infidelity: Variety Seeking & (Un)happiness & Mate Switching </p><p>00:54:25 Genetic Cuckolds, How Ovulation Impacts Mate Preference </p><p>00:57:00 Long-Term vs. Short-Term Cheating, Concealment </p><p>00:59:15 Emotional & Financial Infidelity </p><p>01:04:35 Contraception </p><p>01:06:22 Status & Mating Success </p><p>01:10:10 Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancies, Vigilance, Violence </p><p>01:24:13 Specificity of Intimate Partner Violence </p><p>01:25:12 Mate Retention Tactics: Denigration, Guilt, Etc. </p><p>01:27:33 Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy </p><p>01:33:25 Stalking </p><p>01:39:15 Influence of Children on Mate Value Assessments </p><p>01:43:24 Attachment Styles, Mate Choice & Infidelity </p><p>01:46:40 Non-Monogamy, Unconventional Relationships </p><p>01:54:00 Mate Value Self Evaluation, Anxiety About the Truth </p><p>02:02:12 Self Deception </p><p>02:05:35 The Future of Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience </p><p>02:06:56 Books: When Men Behave Badly, The Evolution of Desire, Textbooks </p><p>02:10:42 Concluding Statements, Zero-Cost Support: Subscribe, Sponsors, Supplements </p><p><a href="https://hubermanlab.com/disclaimer/">Disclaimer</a></p><p> </p><p>Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a></p>
Chapters (1/29)
Show Notes
In this episode, my guest is Dr. David Buss, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology.
Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship, and mate value assessment — meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences for infidelity in men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans. And we discuss what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad” — features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships.
This episode is sure to be of interest to anyone single or in a relationship who seeks to know how people select mates and anyone who is interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships.
Read the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com.
Thank you to our sponsors
AG1: athleticgreens.com/huberman
LMNT: drinklmnt.com/hubermanlab
Waking Up: wakingup.com/huberman
Momentous: livemomentous.com/huberman
00:00:00 Introducing Dr. David Buss
00:04:27 Sponsors: AG1, LMNT & Waking Up
00:08:33 Choosing a Mate
00:13:40 Long Term Mates: Universal Desires
00:18:31 What Women & Men Seek in Long-Term Mates
00:25:10 Age Differences & Mating History
00:32:20 Deception in Courtship
00:37:30 Emotional Stability
00:38:40 Lying About Long-Term Interest
00:41:56 Short-Term Mating Criteria, Sliding Standards & Context Effects
00:46:25 Sexual Infidelity: Variety Seeking & (Un)happiness & Mate Switching
00:54:25 Genetic Cuckolds, How Ovulation Impacts Mate Preference
00:57:00 Long-Term vs. Short-Term Cheating, Concealment
00:59:15 Emotional & Financial Infidelity
01:04:35 Contraception
01:06:22 Status & Mating Success
01:10:10 Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancies, Vigilance, Violence
01:24:13 Specificity of Intimate Partner Violence
01:25:12 Mate Retention Tactics: Denigration, Guilt, Etc.
01:27:33 Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy
01:33:25 Stalking
01:39:15 Influence of Children on Mate Value Assessments
01:43:24 Attachment Styles, Mate Choice & Infidelity
01:46:40 Non-Monogamy, Unconventional Relationships
01:54:00 Mate Value Self Evaluation, Anxiety About the Truth
02:02:12 Self Deception
02:05:35 The Future of Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience
02:06:56 Books: When Men Behave Badly, The Evolution of Desire, Textbooks
02:10:42 Concluding Statements, Zero-Cost Support: Subscribe, Sponsors, Supplements
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Raw Description
<p>In this episode, my guest is <a href="https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/david-buss/">Dr. David Buss, Ph.D.</a>, Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology.</p><p>Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship, and mate value assessment — meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences for infidelity in men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans. And we discuss what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad” — features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships.</p><p>This episode is sure to be of interest to anyone single or in a relationship who seeks to know how people select mates and anyone who is interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships. </p><p>Read the full show notes for this episode at <a href="https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/dr-david-buss-how-humans-select-and-keep-romantic-partners-in-short-and-long-term">hubermanlab.com</a>.</p><h2>Thank you to our sponsors</h2><p>AG1: <a href="https://athleticgreens.com/huberman">https://athleticgreens.com/huberman</a></p><p>LMNT: <a href="https://go.hubermanlab.com/lmnt-back-catalog">https://drinklmnt.com/hubermanlab</a></p><p>Waking Up: <a href="https://wakingup.com/huberman">https://wakingup.com/huberman</a></p><p>Momentous: <a href="https://livemomentous.com/huberman">https://livemomentous.com/huberman</a></p><h2>Timestamps</h2><p>00:00:00 Introducing Dr. David Buss </p><p>00:04:27 Sponsors: AG1, LMNT & Waking Up</p><p>00:08:33 Choosing a Mate </p><p>00:13:40 Long Term Mates: Universal Desires </p><p>00:18:31 What Women & Men Seek in Long-Term Mates </p><p>00:25:10 Age Differences & Mating History </p><p>00:32:20 Deception in Courtship </p><p>00:37:30 Emotional Stability </p><p>00:38:40 Lying About Long-Term Interest </p><p>00:41:56 Short-Term Mating Criteria, Sliding Standards & Context Effects </p><p>00:46:25 Sexual Infidelity: Variety Seeking & (Un)happiness & Mate Switching </p><p>00:54:25 Genetic Cuckolds, How Ovulation Impacts Mate Preference </p><p>00:57:00 Long-Term vs. Short-Term Cheating, Concealment </p><p>00:59:15 Emotional & Financial Infidelity </p><p>01:04:35 Contraception </p><p>01:06:22 Status & Mating Success </p><p>01:10:10 Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancies, Vigilance, Violence </p><p>01:24:13 Specificity of Intimate Partner Violence </p><p>01:25:12 Mate Retention Tactics: Denigration, Guilt, Etc. </p><p>01:27:33 Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy </p><p>01:33:25 Stalking </p><p>01:39:15 Influence of Children on Mate Value Assessments </p><p>01:43:24 Attachment Styles, Mate Choice & Infidelity </p><p>01:46:40 Non-Monogamy, Unconventional Relationships </p><p>01:54:00 Mate Value Self Evaluation, Anxiety About the Truth </p><p>02:02:12 Self Deception </p><p>02:05:35 The Future of Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience </p><p>02:06:56 Books: When Men Behave Badly, The Evolution of Desire, Textbooks </p><p>02:10:42 Concluding Statements, Zero-Cost Support: Subscribe, Sponsors, Supplements </p><p><a href="https://hubermanlab.com/disclaimer/">Disclaimer</a></p><p> </p><p>Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a></p>