How to Stop Living for Everyone Else and Finally Become Yourself | Spencer West - EP 784
Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Have you ever felt like you're living the life everyone expected you to build—but not the one you truly want?
Maybe you've spent years chasing success, checking all the right boxes, or trying to fit into someone else's definition of who you should be. Yet deep down, something still feels missing. In today's episode, you'll discover why so many of us unknowingly build our lives around external expectations—and how to finally break free and become the person you were always meant to be.
Joining John R. Miles is Spencer West, internationally acclaimed speaker, activist, bestselling author, and one of the most inspiring voices on resilience and authentic living. After losing both of his legs as a child and later climbing Mount Kilimanjaro on his hands, Spencer learned that our greatest limitations are often the identities we inherit—not the circumstances we face.
Together, John and Spencer explore why safety can become the greatest obstacle to authenticity, why belonging without being yourself ultimately leaves you feeling empty, and how to stop performing for the world and start living from who you truly are.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why so many people unknowingly build lives around other people's expectations
- How to recognize when you've become trapped in a life that no longer feels like your own
- The difference between belonging and truly feeling like you matter
- Why authenticity often requires giving up the safety of other people's approval
- How Spencer transformed his disability into one of his greatest sources of purpose and strength
- Practical ways to reconnect with your identity through curiosity, creativity, and play
- Why purpose grows when you stop asking what success looks like and start asking how you can serve
- The surprising reason vulnerability creates deeper confidence, connection, and impact
- How to begin building a life that reflects who you truly are—not who you've been expected to become
Here's the truth:
The greatest risk isn't failing.
It's waking up one day and realizing you've spent your life becoming someone the world wanted—while forgetting the person you already were.
Authenticity isn't something you achieve.
It's something you remember. Limited Time Offers:
- Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at SHOPIFY.COM/PASSIONSTRUCK
- Function Health: functionhealth.com/PASSION or use gift code PASSION25 for a $25 credit toward your membership.
- FODZYME: Get 30% off your first order at ICanEatAgain.com/PASSIONSTRUCK
Download the Digital Workbook (Ignited Life Article)
Learn more about Spencer West: Website: spencer2thewest.com YouTube: @spencer2thewest Instagram: @spencer2thewest TikTok: @spencer2thewest
Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.
Explore the Show: passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.
Connect with John
- Website: johnrmiles.com
- Book John to Speak: johnrmiles.com/speaking
- Substack: theignitedlife.net
- Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: youmatterluma.com
Support the Movement: startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.
Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.
Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
Raw Description
In this episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles sits down with internationally acclaimed speaker, activist, and best-selling author Spencer West to explore the journey of breaking free from external expectations and overcoming identity distortion.<br /><br />Drawing from his remarkable life—including climbing Mount Kilimanjaro on his hands—Spencer shares why so many of us unknowingly build lives around inherited definitions of success and why safety often becomes the greatest obstacle to authenticity. Together, John and Spencer examine why belonging without authenticity ultimately leaves us feeling empty, how identity becomes distorted over time, and why flourishing begins the moment we stop asking who the world wants us to be and start asking who we truly are.<br /><br />Their conversation explores the psychological mechanics of what Spencer calls "the trap," the profound difference between simple belonging and true mattering, and how he redefined his disability from a medical circumstance into a core pillar of his identity. Spencer also introduces practical frameworks from his new book, <i>Breaking Free</i>, including how to find your personal spotlight, cultivate a sense of play, and pivot from a life of passive passion to one of deep, systemic purpose.<br /><br />In this episode, you'll learn:<ul><li>Why so many people fall into the trap of living a safe, uninspired life instead of an authentic one.</li><li>The critical distinction between simple belonging and true mattering, illustrated by Spencer's childhood gym and cheerleading experiences.</li><li>How identity distortion occurs when we shelve our authentic selves to meet external structures.</li><li>Spencer's transformative experience in Kenya that redefined his disability into a superpower and calling.</li><li>What "the trap" looks like in daily life and how to recognize when you are caught in a cage of your own design.</li><li>How to find your personal spotlight through low-stakes creative exploration and intentional play.</li><li>The evolutionary shift from personal passion to systemic purpose, using the context of his historic ascent of Mount Kilimanjaro.</li><li>The symbol of the cairn and how we all have the capacity to serve as navigational markers for others.</li><li>Spencer's keys to impactful public speaking: knowing your audience completely and sharing universal human lessons.</li><li>Why embracing vulnerability and mistakes on stage creates deeper human connection.</li></ul>This conversation offers a powerful roadmap for understanding why we become who we are, how to reject a safe but uninspired life, and what it takes to intentionally build a life focused on authentic purpose.<br /><br />Passion Struck is the #1 Health and Wellness Podcast and personal growth podcast dedicated to helping people live intentionally, unlock human potential, and create lives filled with meaning, purpose, and mattering.<br /><br />Limited Time Offers:<br /><ol><li>Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at SHOPIFY.COM/PASSIONSTRUCK</li><li>Function Health: <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=https://functionhealth.com/PASSION" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">functionhealth.com/PASSION</a> or use gift code PASSION25 for a $25 credit toward your membership.</li><li>FODZYME: Get 30% off your first order at <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=https://ICanEatAgain.com/PASSIONSTRUCK" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">ICanEatAgain.com/PASSIONSTRUCK</a></li></ol><br />Full Show Notes<br /><br />Download the Digital Workbook (Ignited Life Article)<br /><br />Learn more about Spencer West:<br />Website: <a href="https://www.spencer2thewest.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.spencer2thewest.com</a><br />YouTube: <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=https://www.youtube.com/%40spencer2thewest" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.youtube.com/@spencer2thewest</a><br />Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/spencer2thewest" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.instagram.com/spencer2thewest</a><br />TikTok: <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@spencer2thewest" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.tiktok.com/@spencer2thewest</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Connect with John </b><br /><ul><li>Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: <a href="https://matteringeffect.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://matteringeffect.com/</a></li><li>Book John to Speak: <a href="https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/</a></li><li>Keynotes, books, podcast, and resources: <a href="https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles</a></li><li>Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: <a href="https://youmatterluma.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://youmatterluma.com/</a></li><li>Substack: <a href="https://www.theignitedlife.net/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.theignitedlife.net/</a></li></ul><br /><b>Support the Movement</b>: <a href="https://startmattering.com/." target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://startmattering.com/.</a> Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.<br /><br /><b>Disclaimer</b><br /><br />The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.<br /><br />
Show Notes
Have you ever felt like you're living the life everyone expected you to build—but not the one you truly want?
Maybe you've spent years chasing success, checking all the right boxes, or trying to fit into someone else's definition of who you should be. Yet deep down, something still feels missing. In today's episode, you'll discover why so many of us unknowingly build our lives around external expectations—and how to finally break free and become the person you were always meant to be.
Joining John R. Miles is Spencer West, internationally acclaimed speaker, activist, bestselling author, and one of the most inspiring voices on resilience and authentic living. After losing both of his legs as a child and later climbing Mount Kilimanjaro on his hands, Spencer learned that our greatest limitations are often the identities we inherit—not the circumstances we face.
Together, John and Spencer explore why safety can become the greatest obstacle to authenticity, why belonging without being yourself ultimately leaves you feeling empty, and how to stop performing for the world and start living from who you truly are.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why so many people unknowingly build lives around other people's expectations
- How to recognize when you've become trapped in a life that no longer feels like your own
- The difference between belonging and truly feeling like you matter
- Why authenticity often requires giving up the safety of other people's approval
- How Spencer transformed his disability into one of his greatest sources of purpose and strength
- Practical ways to reconnect with your identity through curiosity, creativity, and play
- Why purpose grows when you stop asking what success looks like and start asking how you can serve
- The surprising reason vulnerability creates deeper confidence, connection, and impact
- How to begin building a life that reflects who you truly are—not who you've been expected to become
Here's the truth:
The greatest risk isn't failing.
It's waking up one day and realizing you've spent your life becoming someone the world wanted—while forgetting the person you already were.
Authenticity isn't something you achieve.
It's something you remember. Limited Time Offers:
- Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at SHOPIFY.COM/PASSIONSTRUCK
- Function Health: functionhealth.com/PASSION or use gift code PASSION25 for a $25 credit toward your membership.
- FODZYME: Get 30% off your first order at ICanEatAgain.com/PASSIONSTRUCK
Download the Digital Workbook (Ignited Life Article)
Learn more about Spencer West: Website: spencer2thewest.com YouTube: @spencer2thewest Instagram: @spencer2thewest TikTok: @spencer2thewest
Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.
Explore the Show: passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.
Connect with John
- Website: johnrmiles.com
- Book John to Speak: johnrmiles.com/speaking
- Substack: theignitedlife.net
- Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: youmatterluma.com
Support the Movement: startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.
Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.
Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
Raw Description
In this episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles sits down with internationally acclaimed speaker, activist, and best-selling author Spencer West to explore the journey of breaking free from external expectations and overcoming identity distortion.<br /><br />Drawing from his remarkable life—including climbing Mount Kilimanjaro on his hands—Spencer shares why so many of us unknowingly build lives around inherited definitions of success and why safety often becomes the greatest obstacle to authenticity. Together, John and Spencer examine why belonging without authenticity ultimately leaves us feeling empty, how identity becomes distorted over time, and why flourishing begins the moment we stop asking who the world wants us to be and start asking who we truly are.<br /><br />Their conversation explores the psychological mechanics of what Spencer calls "the trap," the profound difference between simple belonging and true mattering, and how he redefined his disability from a medical circumstance into a core pillar of his identity. Spencer also introduces practical frameworks from his new book, <i>Breaking Free</i>, including how to find your personal spotlight, cultivate a sense of play, and pivot from a life of passive passion to one of deep, systemic purpose.<br /><br />In this episode, you'll learn:<ul><li>Why so many people fall into the trap of living a safe, uninspired life instead of an authentic one.</li><li>The critical distinction between simple belonging and true mattering, illustrated by Spencer's childhood gym and cheerleading experiences.</li><li>How identity distortion occurs when we shelve our authentic selves to meet external structures.</li><li>Spencer's transformative experience in Kenya that redefined his disability into a superpower and calling.</li><li>What "the trap" looks like in daily life and how to recognize when you are caught in a cage of your own design.</li><li>How to find your personal spotlight through low-stakes creative exploration and intentional play.</li><li>The evolutionary shift from personal passion to systemic purpose, using the context of his historic ascent of Mount Kilimanjaro.</li><li>The symbol of the cairn and how we all have the capacity to serve as navigational markers for others.</li><li>Spencer's keys to impactful public speaking: knowing your audience completely and sharing universal human lessons.</li><li>Why embracing vulnerability and mistakes on stage creates deeper human connection.</li></ul>This conversation offers a powerful roadmap for understanding why we become who we are, how to reject a safe but uninspired life, and what it takes to intentionally build a life focused on authentic purpose.<br /><br />Passion Struck is the #1 Health and Wellness Podcast and personal growth podcast dedicated to helping people live intentionally, unlock human potential, and create lives filled with meaning, purpose, and mattering.<br /><br />Limited Time Offers:<br /><ol><li>Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at SHOPIFY.COM/PASSIONSTRUCK</li><li>Function Health: <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=https://functionhealth.com/PASSION" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">functionhealth.com/PASSION</a> or use gift code PASSION25 for a $25 credit toward your membership.</li><li>FODZYME: Get 30% off your first order at <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=https://ICanEatAgain.com/PASSIONSTRUCK" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">ICanEatAgain.com/PASSIONSTRUCK</a></li></ol><br />Full Show Notes<br /><br />Download the Digital Workbook (Ignited Life Article)<br /><br />Learn more about Spencer West:<br />Website: <a href="https://www.spencer2thewest.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.spencer2thewest.com</a><br />YouTube: <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=https://www.youtube.com/%40spencer2thewest" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.youtube.com/@spencer2thewest</a><br />Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/spencer2thewest" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.instagram.com/spencer2thewest</a><br />TikTok: <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@spencer2thewest" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.tiktok.com/@spencer2thewest</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Connect with John </b><br /><ul><li>Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: <a href="https://matteringeffect.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://matteringeffect.com/</a></li><li>Book John to Speak: <a href="https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/</a></li><li>Keynotes, books, podcast, and resources: <a href="https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles</a></li><li>Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: <a href="https://youmatterluma.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://youmatterluma.com/</a></li><li>Substack: <a href="https://www.theignitedlife.net/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.theignitedlife.net/</a></li></ul><br /><b>Support the Movement</b>: <a href="https://startmattering.com/." target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://startmattering.com/.</a> Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.<br /><br /><b>Disclaimer</b><br /><br />The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.<br /><br />